In a recent interview for Maxim’s “Sexiest Rapping Muppet Enthusiasts” issue (or Wilmington Star News…one of the two) I was quoted as saying, “The food here [California] sucks.” This, coupled with several billion other such daggering comments in regards to Santa Cruz’s passionless cultural cuisine has stirred quite the uproar within the towns denizens. I’ve become the subject of much discontent amongst the locals, who are proud of the sandalwood grass-root sandwiches and sweetless teas they seemingly enjoy during their lunch breaks and intermitted acts of hippiness. Well, in an attempt to avoid further persecution, I’d like to extend an olive branch and a good, firm…GET A GRIP! Look Santa Cruz, California, and confused culinary consumers the world over, I dont care how florid and picturesque the plate looks, save that crap for your third grade coloring contest! That junk taste like olive oil and air. I need some food with some love on it. I need to be able to taste the sweat from a bountifully breasted black woman, who got two jobs and fourty-six grandkids, a house in South Carolina where dont nobody live except some dirty a** stray dogs and a former preacher turned alcoholic, a bathtub full of epsom salt and a cornbread recipe that’ll send Jesus himself to the Piggly Wiggly to shop for the paper plates to serve it on. If not, at least a restaurant where two-thirds of the menu is cooked in some type of animal fat. With that said, here’s a photo-journal of my favorite places to eat. (Taken during my trip to Wilmington, NC)
(Fun Fact: The picture of the BoJangles meal is merely a stock photo I found on the internet. When I did finally make it to BoJangles and received my order, I was so romantically engaged in the meal I had forgotten to capture the moment on camera.)
This is actually pretty motherfreakin’ dope. Its a t-shirt design by artist Glen Brogan. However, I dont think there’s enough big booty princesses in the Mushroom Kingdom that could convince me to wear it. I think, primarily, because it looks like an item that has the unfortunate destiny of decorating the sale racks at Hot Topic. That place has a way of fang-bangin’ the cultural antiquity out of things I thought were generally cool as a kid. I’d really hate to see that happen to such a dope piece of art. I’d definitely cop a print of this tho. As a matter of fact, I think I’s bouta go do some innanet searchin’ and see’s if’n I cant do just that. Peace!
You know her, right? C’mon, think about it. Yeah you do. Hmmm? Still nothing, huh? What a shame. I’ll give you a hint. She sang on my album…on a song about slavery…or, as it were, escaping slavery.
Not that being on my album is any credible mark of success, but, assuming you frequent my innanet amusings and recollect any of my works with Fatman & Tropical, at least you would recognize her name and voice. I mean, how do you allow yourself to be unfamiliar with such a high quality of paralyzing vocal talent? Still no, huh? *sigh* Either way, this is Shea Soul. She’s from Croydon (United Kingdom). She can sing…and she hella fine.
For most people, the noon hour signifies a joyous deliverance from the days jack-hammering vapidity. From the kids in school, to the energetically barren droves of adults in the workforce…even the homeless man down the street cant wait til the sundial on his refrigerator box says “Hey, homeless nigga! Its noon o’clock!“ The sun is out, birds be sangin’ …and you can leave whatever monotonous activity you were previously engaged in to go get some happy food. But not me. Nope. No happy food for Lil Neighborhood P. My lunch break is a perpetual sixty minutes of suck. Easily, it could be the opposite. All I ask is for sweet tea and a biscuit. But all this town offers me is organic tree scrotum and tortilla plates. So, instead of lunch today, I decided to write a poem. Dedicated to my lost lover. Because you truly never know what you got til its gone. This ones for you, Sweet Tianna Biscuit… Read more…
Having a blog is a lot like having a kid. If you dont feed it, its little baby body starts looking weak, and its little baby mouth starts saying stuff like, “Son! When I’ma get some food up in my lil baby belly?” But then I be like, “Shut the freak up, baby! I aint got no food! Im hungry too lil baby nigga!” Point is….I know I havent posted anything in a while, Ive been busy….please dont call child protective services on me. Here’s some food lil baby.
Shot by Trevor Traynor. Edited by Rob Rush. Produced by DJ MF Shalem. Awesomed by me.
Oh snap! Well, would’ya lookie here…I done put out an album! What? Whats that you say? Is it good? Well, I dont know. Do you enjoy music thats dynamically incredible, just as much as it is freakin’ outstanding? Well, if you do…then I gotta say, in all humility…this album is pretty great. I cant take all the credit tho, I just made up the words. DJ MF Shalem allowed the production. But, dont take my word for it. There it is…right there…go’on and get you some.
In reverence of my previous environs, the extremely kind folks at The Fold Clothing remixed my “Home” logo and affixed it to an all american made, cut and sew t-shirt. Thats some classy ish. Designed by graphic artist/ music & film producer D1, this coveted piece of cool people clothing celebrates some good ol’ southern, backwoods, countryfied, greens ‘n grits goodness. Yeah, you like that. Dont you? I hope you do. If not, what do you know about gear anyway? You probly still wear Fubu jereseys and Jnco pants. Loser.
Anyway, the shirts will be available soon, BUT, only in an extremely limited run…and by that, I mean 10 ( #Willywonkash*t). Stay tuned to the site to figure out how and when you can cop one’uh deez…
here’s a hint…you’ll probly have to get the album.
First of all, allow me to extend my apologies. With the coming of my new album, I realize the greater portion of my posts have been rap-related. New song this, download that… I assumed as a reader, you would also be interested in the awesome music I make. I shouldve considered your feelings. Instead, I was entirely too preoccupied with reminding you that , NEIGHBORHOOD KID COMES OUT FEB 23RD! PLEASE BUY IT AND VALIDATE MY TALENT AS A MUSICAL ARTIST…ahem…anyhow, Im sorry.
With that said, I’ve decided to introduce a new segment to this site. I know, in many occurrences, I’m more often than not, readily eager to point out the bigotry in people. Mostly white people. Its kinda like playing “I Spy.” And, I totally understand, there’s a “you people” in office now, and we’re a post-racial society…but, for whatever inexplicable reason, I just always feel like every white person still got a little Rosewood in’em. Except for John Mayer. John Mayer is tight! But, let it not be said that Haji P is so ig’nant that he cant give people the benefit of the doubt. That’s where you come in. From now on, when I think somebody is trying to tell me “these is whites only pies,” I’m just gonna smile, write it down and let you decide…was that racist?
for example… Read more…
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