I dont know what it did for you, but for me….Sesame Street did absolutely nothing. Well, not as far as educational progression anyway. As an educator, I’d be remised if I were to deny my teachers, elders and mom dukes that credit. Them motherfreakers put in work, son! However, what it did do was initiate and solidify my affinity for Jim Henson and his creations…as well as provide a program that positively reflected a multicultural cast of people living in an urban surrounding. I mean, dont get me wrong, it taught a nigga how to count to twelve and sh*t…but, for me…I was more enamoured with the ability  to say, “Yo, that lady outside of Big Bird house looks like my Auntie!” An attribute I think is largely overlooked when imparting praise for the, today, 40 year old television series. Or maybe its not overlooked. I dont know. I dont really read a lot of Sesame Street reviews. Anyhow, as previously mentioned…today (Nov 10.) is the 40th Anniversary of the Children’s Television Workshop program. And in honor, Im going to countdown my ten favorite characters. Ready. Set. Bing!

10. Oscar The Grouch

Oscar was a phenomenal addition to the neighborhood  because he always prevented things from getting too gay (pardon me, “unnecessarily jovial”…which, by definition, still means gay.)

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9. Count Von Count

You cant front on the kid, son. The Count was the best dresser, had an illy goatee, and Im pretty sure he slept with Spanish chick that worked for Mr. Hooper.

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8. The Two Headed Monster ( Horn and Hardart)

Son, these two were the squire of syllable and the sultan of separating….words. What does that mean? Probably nothing to you….but I remember watching an episode where they sang “Hi De Ho” with Cab Calloway…and that, my friends, was quality entertainment. Plus, Ive always been partial to the blue and purple monsters, cause I assumed they were the black people. The blue ones was the light skinnded niggas.

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7. Teeny Little Superguy

Granted, TLS wasnt any product of Jim Henson, but I was intrigued all the same. SON WAS A FREAKIN CUP, YO! How amazing is that? He was a cup…and he solved real life problems. He would roll up on you like, “Yo, whats up, lil niggas? Yall look like you got a problem? Oh, yall both wanna swing, but theres only one? Check this move out…how ’bout yall just take turns and share that b*tch.  Im out. BAM!”

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6. Telly Monster

I really liked Telly, but not because he did anything discernibly incredible, more so because I always felt like I had to. Like, if I wasnt going to be his friend, he would somehow know it and fall deeper into a burgundy depression. I didnt want that furry blood on my hands. As time progressed, our relationship grew. I learned to love him for who he was. A misunderstood monster. A misunderstood monster who taught me how to love.

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5. Alistair Cookie

Yeah, Cookie Monster was dope, but when he was the host of Monsterpiece Theater, Alistair Cookie, he was refined.

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4. Guy Smiley

In addition to being the inordinately optimistic host of a variety of Sesame Street gaming, Guy Smiley was  also a weatherman and nature enthusiast. Making him Bob Barker, Al Roker, and Steve Irwin all wrapped up into one well dressed, fuzzy, yellow muppet. I dont know what he’s up to these days…but if he’s not running a car lot, he’s waisting his talents.

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3 . Grover

Grover is like the poor kid in the hood that everybody loved because he was indiscriminately cordial…but nobody wanted to sleepover his house cause he might have roaches, and after a while he just got annoying…but the next day, you couldnt wait till he came outside so yall could go to the corner store and get a juice.

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2. This Guy

When I tell you this, I mean this with all sincerity…if there is anything that may lead you to believe Im being facetious in this statement, I thoroughly apologize with every occupant beat of my heart….but, no other song, in the history of music, has ever resonated in my head like this. I can not hear the word “Cooperation” without immediately saying “Dig it”….and then replaying the song over in my head throughout the entirety of the day.  Its like some straight up Pavlovs dog biz. I cant recall exactly when I first saw this episode, but I can quote, verbatim, this song till this day.  The only reason he’s not my favorite Sesame Street character is, he’s not an actual character. He’s an Anything Muppet. Basically, a plush body with replaceable features, used to cast as extras in various scenes. Either way, homeboy still put it down, and for that…he gets the coveted number two spot. Dig it!

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1. Roosevelt Franklin

I cant even go into detail about this character, in fear that I’ll project an inaccurate perception of myself, my race or the general good intentions of Sesame Street. I will however provide you this video. If you cant derive from this my liking for the character…then we’ve clearly never met before.

*please note, that in the opening theme, it states “our alma ‘mama’” …..freakin genius!

happy anniversary.

-p*

Every now and then, a song is so powerful that it compels the listener to look deep within themselves and say, “Dang, am I off that?” Aw! Well, as it happens, a newly discovered tune evokes such introspection. Aw!  The hymn (appropriately titled, Off That) was composed by a longtime companion of  Oprah Winfrey. Aw! While his name escapes me at the moment, allow me to say that, because of him, I write this blog. Aw! And I dont give a fidduck abbidout the bliddogs you used to read, son Im Haji P! And these are 10 things that I’m off. Aw!

1.- Spelling “the” incorrectly (ex. da, tha, etc…)- I understand with the art of conversation melding with technology, we’ve started relying heavily on shorthand and typing colloquially. But, unless youre coming up with titles for your 1996 rap songs, please stop ebonicating the word the. You look like an idiot.

2.  Dinosaurs -  Dinosaurs? Booooring! My new sh*t is mermaids…besides, dinosaurs haven’t done anything dope since Dinosaucers.

3.  Santa Cruz Dining -  I cant fox with you no more Santa Cruz. I thoroughly detest my lunch breaks, because there’s only 3 food options: sushi, something organic, or burritos. Certainly, I could find a greater variety of eats in Somalian pig troughs.

4.  No Hat Policies- Sometimes when bouncers say I cant get in the club with my hat…I like to wipe my balls on their clipboard. My job tried to tell me I wasn’t allowed to wear my hat…I answered that by wearing my hat until they stopped asking me to take it off.

5.  Getting Stabbed- Hopefully, by making this proclamation,  if I’m ever to be approached by an assailant who wishes to impale me, I can say to him (or more likely, her) “Sorry, but you cant stab me…Im off that!”

6. Pretty Girls- Oh, word? Guys always buying you drinks and photographers keep saying you should seriously think about modeling? Thats cool.  I know a girl with a criminal record who’ll step on your sparkly a** shoes and eat your supid a** purse-dog…and I think she’s prettier.

7. Buying Sandwiches- My apologies Subway. I know we’ve shared some very special moments; you, me and a tuna sub. I enjoyed them all, the menage a trois were great. I even appreciate the selfless way you revolutionized my $5 bill. But, if Im’a pay for food, I need to buy something I cant make at the crib with some bread and mayonnaise.

8.  Middle Fingering- In pictures, on stage, with friends…I stopped doing this once I realized I graduated highschool.

9.  Panhandlers- Once upon a time, there was a soft spot in my heart for the less fortunate who occupied the streets. It was nothing for me to give whatever I had in my pockets. Now, I see the same dude sitting in front of the GAP downtown with two dogs, a cat, and some dirty anus feet…with a sign that says, “Help me get home.” HOME!? Nigga, please! What home? Where? You been at that same spot for a year! YOU ARE HOME!

10. The Flu- Son, you still gettin’ sick? You better wait in the canned food aisle at Wal-Mart and get that H1N1 vaccine. Me, myself…I had all my bones replaced with solidified Thera-flu…Im so off that.

Whatever comment you about to make…Im off that. Aw!

Aight,  so Im  reading through various news stories on CNN’s website when I come across a headline that reads, “Rihanna is ‘Rated R’ for new album cover.” Automatically Im thinking, “Word! Rihanna boob!“ So naturally, as any inquisitive young male would, I hurried to click the appropriate link.  What followed was a not-so-rated R cover, and a story on her new single. No boob.  Boooring!

I didnt think much of it, but apparently, other  readers did. They hella did! I was only a slight miffed about the lack of mammary, these mofo’s was hatin’ her life! Thus bringing me to my “Tuesday Ten List.”  There were roughly a billion or so comments. These were my favorite:

1. Cat: No wonder she hangs out with men who beat her up. Based on that picture she has obviously very low self esteem.

*This was the first comment, it pretty much sparked off this jammy! Good job, cat!

2. Be the Change: Actually I would say she has a lot of self esteem. I for one, would not have the guts to pose like that.
You go girl!

my favorite part was the “you go girl!”

3. Annoyed: I would bet that most of the people who think the photo is nice are likely immature, ghetto trash who lack any moral guidance in their lives. And please spare us the tired ebonic cliches, (e.g. “Don’t hate”, “You go girl.”)

haha, take that, “Be the Change!”

4. Dianne: Seriously? “No wonder she hangs out with men who beat her up”…Seriously?! You’re going to walk down that road? Based on a picture? Uh….Judgemental much, cat??

I think “Dianne” is really “Six” from Blossom.

5. Andrew: Damn she looks hot. Wonder if that barbed wire hurts…or feels good in a Chris Brown kinda way

ZING!

6. Disappointed: I am appalled to see the album cover of Rihanna’s latest CD after the ordeal she went through with Chris Brown. Why would she feel she would have to represent herself in such a degrading manner? She should feel confident that her voice could sell many albums. The cover is very unprofessional! I thought Rihanna would have had more class. Shame, shame, shame on her for her inability to portray herself as a classy entertainer.

Its the “shame, shame, shame” that really gets ya.

7. Dan R: Shes hot. But she’s no Esther Rolle.

8. Shirl: Budity sells, but where is the SELF RESPECT?

Im pretty sure she meant to say “nudity,” but “budity” is waaay more funny, haha! Way to go Shirl!”

9. Alex Winter: Getting wrapped in barbed wire hurts like hell. Dat girl be craaaazy! 

I hope this is the Alex Winter from “Bill & Teds Excellent Adventure.”

10. Cornelius: … We display Jesus in on the bloody mess he was in when he died on the cross, but cat stand it when we watch how he got that way in Passion of the Christ. Let me take a trip to the Guggenheim and see naked photos and torture, but this we just decry…wow… just goes to show cant please everyone all the time.

whoa.

If this is what happens when you pose half bude, with barbed wire on your skin-milkers for an album…Im doin’ it!

for original story, and more commentary, go here.