things that im off.

Posted by hajipaji


Every now and then, a song is so powerful that it compels the listener to look deep within themselves and say, “Dang, am I off that?” Aw! Well, as it happens, a newly discovered tune evokes such introspection. Aw!  The hymn (appropriately titled, Off That) was composed by a longtime companion of  Oprah Winfrey. Aw! While his name escapes me at the moment, allow me to say that, because of him, I write this blog. Aw! And I dont give a fidduck abbidout the bliddogs you used to read, son Im Haji P! And these are 10 things that I’m off. Aw!

1.- Spelling “the” incorrectly (ex. da, tha, etc…)- I understand with the art of conversation melding with technology, we’ve started relying heavily on shorthand and typing colloquially. But, unless youre coming up with titles for your 1996 rap songs, please stop ebonicating the word the. You look like an idiot.

2.  Dinosaurs -  Dinosaurs? Booooring! My new sh*t is mermaids…besides, dinosaurs haven’t done anything dope since Dinosaucers.


3.  Santa Cruz Dining -  I cant fox with you no more Santa Cruz. I thoroughly detest my lunch breaks, because there’s only 3 food options: sushi, something organic, or burritos. Certainly, I could find a greater variety of eats in Somalian pig troughs.

4.  No Hat Policies- Sometimes when bouncers say I cant get in the club with my hat…I like to wipe my balls on their clipboard. My job tried to tell me I wasn’t allowed to wear my hat…I answered that by wearing my hat until they stopped asking me to take it off.

5.  Getting Stabbed- Hopefully, by making this proclamation,  if I’m ever to be approached by an assailant who wishes to impale me, I can say to him (or more likely, her) “Sorry, but you cant stab me…Im off that!”

6. Pretty Girls- Oh, word? Guys always buying you drinks and photographers keep saying you should seriously think about modeling? Thats cool.  I know a girl with a criminal record who’ll step on your sparkly a** shoes and eat your supid a** purse-dog…and I think she’s prettier.

7. Buying Sandwiches- My apologies Subway. I know we’ve shared some very special moments; you, me and a tuna sub. I enjoyed them all, the menage a trois were great. I even appreciate the selfless way you revolutionized my $5 bill. But, if Im’a pay for food, I need to buy something I cant make at the crib with some bread and mayonnaise.

8.  Middle Fingering- In pictures, on stage, with friends…I stopped doing this once I realized I graduated highschool.

9.  Panhandlers- Once upon a time, there was a soft spot in my heart for the less fortunate who occupied the streets. It was nothing for me to give whatever I had in my pockets. Now, I see the same dude sitting in front of the GAP downtown with two dogs, a cat, and some dirty anus feet…with a sign that says, “Help me get home.” HOME!? Nigga, please! What home? Where? You been at that same spot for a year! YOU ARE HOME!

10. The Flu- Son, you still gettin’ sick? You better wait in the canned food aisle at Wal-Mart and get that H1N1 vaccine. Me, myself…I had all my bones replaced with solidified Thera-flu…Im so off that.

Whatever comment you about to make…Im off that. Aw!

8 Responses to “things that im off.”

  1. haley Says:

    Dinosaucers was off da chain!! Um, I mean, the chain.

  2. hajipaji Says:


  3. AB Says:

    you must be off spelling too, given that stupid is spelled with a “t” in most instances.

  4. Lina Says:

    That’s really thiknign out of the box. Thanks!

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  7. Stefany Brindza Says:

    This site seems to get a good ammount of visitors. How do you get traffic to it? It offers a nice unique spin on things. I guess having something useful or substantial to say is the most important factor.

  8. Diablo 3 Rmah Says:

    Why should people be reprimanded for gliching a single player game and why should people have to pay real world money for game issues that should cost only fake gold? D3 is a laugh.

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