stuff black people dont like.

Posted by hajipaji

* I wrote this almost two years ago after a friend put me on to Stuff White People Like. So, in likeness of BET programming, I decided to do the same thing, except make it “the black version.” The blog first appeared on my myspace page (booring!) and later, on Routinefly.com. Ive only decided to re-re-introduce it because I think Im gonna make it a continuing feature here. Its pretty ignorant…enjoy.

Before blogging took place, this was discussed within a focus group consisting of: Raven Simone, Bill Cosby, Danny Glover, Too $hort, Prince, and the guy who played Zack Morris on TV’s “Saved By the Bell.”


1. Eating Outside- Look, for future reference, whatever the circumstance ( casual dining, corporate luncheon, first date, etc) do your melanized meal buddy a great favor…eat inside. We do not enjoy “Patio Seating.” We dont care how pretty it is outside, get a seat by a window. There’s nothing less appetizing than mosquitos and pigeon sh*t flying over my cabbage plate. Not to mention, if there’s a significant presence of homeless people about, I feel like I owe them some of what I’m eating…cause technically, now I’m eating in their house! Why would you even choose to eat outside? It took us long enough to be able to even get IN the restaurant…now we got to sit outside where the waiters will pay even less attention to us? Nah, son…thats stuff we dont like.

2. Dogs- We don’t fox with dogs like that. They drool, they stink, they bite and they chew up good kicks…and have you seen old riot footage? Dogs was ufckin us up! Sure, some of us might own some, but we dont like ‘em. We get dogs for two reasons: To keep other niggas out the house…or cause we saw them in a rap video…regardless the reason, they always end up in the backyard tied to a car engine. We are indiscriminately terrified of every phylum of canine…we dont even have to see it. All it takes is to hear the jingling of a dog chain, and watch for the subtle acceleration of pace. Honestly, if you ever want to run some black people out of your neighborhood, dont burn their church, let a Sharpei loose.

3. White People Kool-Aid- That sh*t is gross!

4. Pancake Booty- We like pancakes. We like booty. However, the integration of the two is just an inconvenience to everyday ogling. After the passing of several jokes, we tend to feel a great deal of sympathy for pancake booty. While it may seem shallow and contrite, its just not a passable character trait…sorry.

5. Heat- Its no secret, we dont like hot weather. Niggas get crazy in hot weather (see Do the Right Thing). Its mathematically proven that more homicides and various acts of abominable crimes occur durning the summer time.We talk a mouthful of “going back to Africa” speech…but thats a lie, we aint trying to go back. Aint no AC in Africa.

6. Full Price- In any occasion, the number “full price” is a number of astronomical weight. We prefer numbers like, “the hook up” or “free.” These are numbers we’re more comfortable with during times of purchase.

7. Saying “Ghetto”- For the record, using the word “Ghetto” as an adjective is foxed up. Youre  implying that everything  unfavorable, or things of poor standard are equal to “a place where a buncha niggas live.”

8. Bad Hair Cuts- Irrefutably, this can be the tarnishing of an otherwise great day. It doesnt even so much have to be a bad cut. It can be as simple as a bad edge-up. The lining of the hair is a delicate thing, and should be handled with a surgeons precision. Since the second season of Martin, black males have been placing an extra amount of care to the hairline. Any deviation of its natural curvature or accidental knick may lead to a shooting or loss of barbers license.

9. Separation From Race- Please address this with the utmost consideration. We DO NOT like being told we’re different from other black people. Remarks including (but not limited too): “You speak well..”, “Youre smarter than…”, “Youre not as bad as…” are inarguably the most offensive things you can say to an African American man or woman. I was once told by a girl, “I would never talk to a black guy, but you’re not like those kind.” …get a grip! Black people are dispatched in variant degrees, but when it comes down to it…we’ve all seen The Color Purple, and felt bad for Celie when Shug told her she was ugly.

10. Comparison To Race- Sorry white people, it’s kind of a lose/lose situation. Assuming we’re all the same…well, it just kinda sucks. I wouldnt do it. Its not nice. We already think youre racist…dont make us right.

11. Camping/Outdoors- We’ve yet to find any credible research that verifies sleeping on some dirt to be an enjoyable use of our recreational time. You’ll be hard pressed convicing us to willingly get back under a tree. Its not that we dont get down with nature…but bears, raccoons, and various other creatures with sharp teeth already live there. Plus, camping is expensive. Now it becomes a situation where we have to spend thousands of dollars to sleep OUTSIDE of a house that we’re already paying bills for? The outdoors may also include: bonfire parties, the beach, hiking and the afforementioned, eating outside.

12. Work- This, many times is misconstrued with laziness. It aint that we’re lazy, when its time to get things done, business gets handled. We’re among the most resilient and resourceful races of people. But work…yeesh, its almost too much work to even elaborate…

13. Looking- “Why you lookin at me, yo!?” Im certain you’ve all come across this facial expression multiple times in a day. Well…Why you lookin??? On the reals, this is the most vile and detestable act you can commit. Its the “go” button. Niggas just dont play that! I wish I could tell you why…but Im too scared to look at a nigga long enough to ask him. People die over that sh*t, son!

14. Cops- Look, we dont hate cops because they’re cops. Thats just ignorant. We hate cops because theyre dicks. Whether its intentional or not, that breeds a violent contempt. Ex. In Sumter, South Carolina, I was pulled over directly after leaving my grandmothers funeral because I had an out of state (North Carolina) tag, and it looked “suspicious.”

15. Tipping- Say what you want, my theory is “Aint nobody tip us for slavery.” I’ve worked as a server a couple of times myself, but when it happens…you cant get mad. Just accept it as an occupational hazard…or get a new job.

16. The Absence of Racism- This is without question the pinnacle of peevementation. If you really want to piss a nigga off…be genuinely not racist to him. We hate that! And this is why…without racism, all of our security walls are broken down. It throws us off our game. Its imperative that the slightest signs of racism are shown so we can explain a bad report card, bad service, or crack rock. I mean, it sounds like a joke, and God knows we dont need another Emmit Till, but…whenever you can, just to be nice…dont invite us to a wine tasting .

202 Responses to “stuff black people dont like.”

  1. LeevMyNameOut Says:

    This is my favorite thing in the world.

  2. Wise37 Says:

    This is seriously excellent work here.

    “Lookin” FTW.

  3. Erica Spicer Says:

    Boy ur hell !! Lol !! But it was the truth !! Lol I could add a few more things to this list !!! Lol !

  4. JOE PESCI Says:

    FUCK YOU BUNCH OF KNUCKLE DRAGGING SPOOKS!
    I COULDNT GIVE A RATS FUCKING DICK WHAT YOU PAVEMENT APES LIKE OR DONT LIKE.
    GO BACK TO FUCKING AFRICA YOU TARBABYS AND STOP MOOCHING OF WHITE AMERICA.

  5. JOE PESCI Says:

    You porchmonkeys are good for nothing layabout criminal apes.
    Youre too lazy to get an education and make something of yourselves,oh no!,that wouldn’t be “keepin it reel”
    You’d rather rape 78 year old women for the change in their purse,or steel copper pipe from city fixtures,after all what’s does Ize care,ise gots me muh malt lkuh and kfc,and a fat white girl to sodomize.
    I personally would like to put a fuckin slug right in your baboon shaped skull you fucking apes.

  6. JOE PESCI Says:

    Lets talk about bigger contributions to the arts!

    Any niggers out there composing symphonys or displaying amazing virtuousity at a muscial instrument!????

    Heavens no!,niggers have all they can do to talk in front of a synthetic beat and spout a bunch of degenerate groid gibberish about how “bahd azz we is” like an ape thumping it’s chest the male buck nigger has look at me syndrome.
    Loud stereos,loud mouths,big 60″ nigger rims on $200 cars,pants down around their ankles…..pathetic!
    Looks at me!,looks at me!

  7. hajipaji Says:

    Dear Joe Pesci,

    Thank you for reading my blog and showing support, it really means a lot to me…loved you in My Cousin Vinny!

    Thanks again.

    Love,

    -p!

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  10. bob clark Says:

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  11. J. Ahu Says:

    Dear John,( not your real name)

    I hope you are well. I apologize for my cousin Joe Pesci. Believe it or not, he’s really not a racist. He has a few issues he is working on, where “coloreds” are concerned, but all the ni**a, and porch monkey stuff…well you know, that’s Joe. I think he’s actually a fan of your music, and I’ve been told he’s a big contributor to the NAACP. (not independently verified) His most recent quest is to reach out to that poor preacher in Georgia that the whiteys are after for saying he made them kiss him; and not just on the lips. On his penis even! No, Joe’s not a bad guy. He just needs a couple of kicks in the mouth while he waivers on the edge of consciousness, from getting the fucking shit beaten out of him by “niggas”, of both white and black ethnicity,probably w/ skateboards, and ah what the hell can a Latino be a nigga, too? I don’t know about that one. But you get my drift. Joe just needs a little “Attitude Adjustment”, to quote that old country song about a dude that needed an “Attitude Adjustment.” Oh yeah, on a side note, “WE” are tracing his posts based on his IP address, and I should be able to forward his particulars to you, down to his home address, and what milligram Viagra he is prescribed to. So for a case of Pacifico, me and the esse’s w/ take care of his bitch ass. What’s another 18-24 month stretch? He deserves it. So, hang tight, keeps it real, and we bawyz down yonder here in the Port be missin’ ya….Shit is mad Grey- Son, without a lil HP ay’ now and then…Hope you had fun @ the nuptials of one Joey Francis, and I forward him my best. On a non-related note, could you send me some information on the best way/ or recommended way to setup my very own blog similar to the one you have here? I would be grateful. You can send those comments to either my email, or my FB inbox. Until then, may you prosper, and may there continue to be senseless fucking idiots spewing racist shit at people they have never met, so all our children can read it, and breed yet even more hate. That’s what the world needs if you ask me. That’s all for now. holla bout the blog info. If it doesn’t cost much, I’d like to start one so I could also attract my very own Joe Pescis. One Love. One Heart. Let’s Get together and a Feel Alright. K? j*

  12. BuzzerBeater Says:

    No racist but I really hope joe pesci comments on all your posts. The combo is gold

  13. Uncommon Says:

    Will the racism ever end? I’m tired of talking about race and racism and all of our real and imagined human differences..it’s exhausting and depressing. Maybe humans should hurry up and all mix with each other so we can all be tan and look the same. I’m tired of racist white people blaming the victim, so deep in their self-hating denial that they blame others for their soulless history of raping every continent. I’m tired of people of color perpetuating stereotypes and continuing vicious cycles because of generations of mental slavery. I’m tired of people not being able to date outside of their race without fear of being harassed. It’s all stupid and fucked up!! Younger people are learning how to accept each other, its the older generations that keep people racist! Hurry up and DIE OFF you racist fucks… make the world a better place.

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