Shirt Tales

Posted by hajipaji


Does anybody else remember this cartoon? If you said no, chances are: A.) you probably shared your first Smirnoff Ice with your BFF today, or B.) you’re prejudiced against pants-less woodland creatures.  Either way, you should be ashamed of yourself.  In short, Shirt Tales was a 22 minute animated program, in which 5 lion-hearted animals (of which, none were lions)  thwarted paltry acts of crime and knavery under the daytime guise of  the wise-crackingly cute residents of Oak Tree Park. The illy thing about these 5 would-be zoo exhibits was their t-shirt game. Pioneers of cartoon couture, I’d say.   Anyhow, in their mild-mannered stages, their t-shirts read only the characters name.  But, when engaged in moments of heroism, the shirt brightly flashed proclamations of action.  (Ex: when confronting a bank robber, Tyg‘s shirt might read, “I’m ’bout to whoop dat a**!”).

In any case, I say that to say this…I need some new motherfreakin t-shirts!!!

More accurately, I want some new motherfreakin t-shirts.

During my collegiate years, and more seldom now, there’d be rare occasions I’d get to visit my mom (she aint locked up or nothing, but that African-American gets her jetsetter all the way on!). When I did, she’d always greet me with a big hug, embarrassingly violent kiss on the cheek and say,

Boy, everytime I see you, you got on a new pair of sneakers and a t-shirt I aint never seen befo’! You better stop waisting your money on them  perishable goods.”

Got dang’d if that mofo wasnt right! Gear is hella perishable.

I gave up being a “sneakerhead” about a year and a half ago, when I decided that shoe collecting became horrendously trite, and kicks started looking like laminated boxes of Froot Loops (see example).  Now, its only white on white AF-1s for me.  Basic, fresh, classic.

However, as far as t-shirts go, my collection speaks well over a hundred (and counting). Some of which, may have only been worn once…if that. Out of that ridiculous anus number, maybe ten see a regular rotation.

“Why?” You might be  axkin’ yo’ self!?

Well, my friends…three reasons. 1.) Social networking websites 2.) Rap 3.) My recent switch from large to med. All of the above form together to create what is seemingly the Voltron of my stylistic sadness.

I’ll spare you the long of the jibba jabba, here’s the short math… Facebook, Myspace, and the photographers of both…yall niggas is killing my fresh! Thank gawd for twitter and their standard default pic!

I’ll wake up one morning, all souped up thinking, ” Aww yeah, Im bouts to rock this hype new Stussy jammy and gets my Ebony Man of the Month on!“  and then be promptly haulted with “Hold on, nigga! You wore that on stage last week, and that one girl tagged you in about 50 different pictures! Errbody done seent that old anus shirt!“  Thus begins the mouring of that article of clothing.

Some of you may think thats pretentious…I just think it whomps!

Recently, I’ve decided to cut my shirt size down one. Which double whomps because 90% of my selection is all “L’s.”

Originally, I was going to take  my t’s to Goodwill, but instead, Ive decided to give them to the kids I work with. I’ve done the same with a lot my shoes. Primarily, because I know where my goods are going, and the people getting the gear need and appreciate it. Which, sometimes becomes a dropkick in the face when I see a kid rocking my gear better than I could/did. Then I just be on some “Gimme my clothes back, or Ima tell my mommy!” biz!


I need to find a clothing sponsor.

Shirt Tales, HELP!

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