PNN Breaking News: Guns N’ Phones’s
Posted by hajipaji
Broakland, USA (PNN)– The europeans have once again outdone themselves. This time, revolutionizing the cell phone industry with their invention of what our reporters are calling the “G-Phone.” The G is for gun. Because there’s a gun in it! On its surface, it bears all the expecting qualities of any other mobile device: a red power button, some numbers, and a digital screen with unchanging time and date display. But hidden beneath lies a magical .22-caliber pistol, capable of firing four rounds in quick succession with a touch of an otherwise standard keypad.
While this may be optimal for people like Danger Mouse , Secret Squirrel or, perhaps even rappers with immensely demanding schedules (having little time to balance both catching bodies and calling mom), we here at PNN ask …what does this mean for everyday Gphone users?
Well, reports say that its battery life is hardly sufficient. Causing a tremendous uprise of niggas charging their phones in public places. Fast food chains, movie theaters and Wal-Marts are outraged. Stating that their power outlets are for functional use of the establishment, not to provide a life-support hub for this trending mobile apparatus. This may be due to parking lot shoot-outs being haulted mid-action, leaving the outside assailants to find the nearest location to recharge.
While some businesses are complaining, local libraries are loving the attention they’re receiving from Gphone users. Resident Broakland librarian says, “I’m overcome with joy! We’ve been trying to get niggas in here for years! We don’t mind if they use our outlets at all…hopefully they’ll pick up a book while their phone is charging!”
However, it seems that only librarians may be singing the praises of the coupled communication/hand-cannon device. Gangbangers of countless cliques, crews and sets are all joining hands to voice their grievances. Blaming several botched drive-by attempts on inattentive Gphone users. Claiming that the shooter and/or driver is often times too busy trying to download ringtones and twitter applications, and not keeping their eyes on the road!
Distractions seem to be common in the hands of its users. Just last week, it was reported that a teen-age girl fell into an open man-hole while trying to walk and load the rounds at the same time.
Aside from inadequate battery life, and other deplorable features, the Gphone network has poor cellular coverage. We spoke to user, Ty-Kwan “Meatfeet” Doe, who told us this,
“Yo, s**t is mad weak, son! I was trying to rob this m****rf****r for twenty dollars and s**t, and this m****r f****r gon run in the woods and s**t! So, a nigga like me is straight dumpin’ rounds when *click, click* I’m like ‘awwww s**t! I aint got no m****rf****n’ service out here!?’ Aint that a B***H!!!”
So, how exactly does this “Gun Phone” work? Well, Our media partners over at You-Tube provided us with this instructional video.
With all the negative hype surrounding Europes Gphone, why does it seem to be so popular amongst the younger and urban communities? The answer is simple. No contract phone plans. With a low cost, pay as you shoot phone rate, the Gphone is virtually accessable to anybody!
Representatives at AP&P dont seem to be worried tho. They say as long as they have the most bars around the country, and a phone with a compass…people will be more than delighted to pay their exceedingly high rates.
story by
- Paji Appleseed.
