….I’m sorry, you’re not really a hoe, I’ve just taken a liking to the word. I hope that doesnt discourage you from coming to any of these shows. But, if it does, or, you decide not to come to any of these shows for what ever personal and selfish reason, you are, most certainly, a hoe. Hoe.
Yeah, you know what this is. It’s a celebration, bishes. Grab a drink, grab a glass… after that I grab yo’ a**…and then we’ll all sit in a semi-circle, indian style, and talk about how corny it is to use Kanye Wests Japan Happy Fun Time America Now Bear logo, so brazen and unapologetically. Dick heads. The bear is not the point. The point is, you graduated, and we celebratin’! Come out to the Soapbox (downtown, Wilmington NC) on Friday, May 18th where a number of UNCW’s premier artists will be performing, hosted by me, UNCW’s posterboy for everything thats ever been entertainingly awesome ever.
Be there or be square. Or be there and be square. Either way, just be there. Plus, I dont really care if youre square, as long as youre there. But if youre not there and youre square, well, that just makes you double square…which makes you, by the rules of geometry, a cube. I think. I was never really good at geometry. But you know what I am good at? Rap! So, come out and watch me rap. Or be square…whatever.
This is what it looks like when your friends are really good at rap AND really good at being completely disobedient of the San Francisco traffic laws. You and your friends should be more like me and my friends….then you wouldn’t be so much like you and your friends…and then me and my friends would like you more. #Rec
Well, here’s something special. The host of TV’s “Young, Broke and Beautiful,” Brokeass Stuart, profiled me on his goddamn website. Why? Because I’m an awesome rapper? Possibly. Maybe because I’m an exemplary model of human kindness? Also possible. But, really…it’s because I’m broke. And being broke makes me special. And being special is pretty dang cool. Being Special is also how Ed was able to have it made. But I’m not Puerto Rican…Im just speakin so that juno.
Anyhow, check out this little diddy the Bo Jackson of Broke did with yours truly.
Whatever it is I’m doing in rap, I know this for a fact…I’m doing it in the wrong place. I mean, dont get me wrong, America’s great when it comes to things like: best dance crews, funniest home videos, and dating white women to piss their dads off; but I’m really starting to get the impression that our appreciation for music is a bit sub-par…or, as my chaps across the pond say, ” Two pips beneath the cricket. Ya lyke degs?”
I dont know if they really say that.
The guy in the video above is Professor Elemental. I received an email from him a couple of weeks ago in which he had this to say…
“I heard your neighbourhood kid album last year and was truly blown away…as far as I’m concerned that was the perfect hip hop album.”
Yeah, I thought he may have been listening to a totally different album too. Turns out…we’re both wrong. Anyhow, he’s from Manchester, UK. For those of you keeping track of my rappology career…this is nye the first of time I’ve gotten attention from the United Kingdom. First there was “Monkey Junk.”- an EP I put together with euro-superproducers, Fatman & Tropical. Then, there were the duets with Shea Soul….and now, El Professitorio Elemento. Im pretty sure Im being groomed to be knighted.
All hyperbole aside, PE is a well accomplished artist overseas…his resume reads of work with some of the worlds most acclaimed hip hop artists , workshops for children, and various performance pieces outside of hiphop. Basically, a whole buncha hype sh*t. He does both comedic-character, and “real-rap” raps. Both….mother…freakin…incredible. So, when he asked me to collaborate on a project, you know my answer was an emphatic, “Yahmo be there.” Professor Elemental & Haji P. …way cooler than William and Kate.
Im on a world tour, with Professor my man, going each and every place with a mic in my hand. Except Libya. Sh*t is not poppin’ in Libya right now.
Brace yourself. Im going to tell you something. And when I tell you this…you may be rendered comatose with chagrin. Chagrin is a dope word. People should use it more often. Like, “B*TCH! My dog just died, Im chagrined as HECK!”
Sorry. Back to my manifesto. Here it is….*sigh*
Being interviewed terrifies me. I know. Its a complete contradiction to my otherwise thugged out and indomitable demeanor. But, its the Abe’s-honest truth. Its way beyond my comprehension. I can speak to gatrillions on stage (which is a low estimate for the average show), but when it comes to intimate conversation…I get boner-dead. My brain hits the “PEACE, NIGGA!” button, and leaves me defenseless against audio and visual recording devices.
For a visual, you can peep my “Yo, Haji P, you on crack, dawg?” jitters here. But, you can also keep reading to peep the interview I did with with Mat Weir for the Streetlight Records blog.
I like food. If you know anything about me…you know I like food. I’m down for food. I love it. I want to sex it. I love food so much, that sometimes it gets violent. I got that Ike and Tina love for food. I love food so much, that when it hurts me, I wanna beat the Proud-Mary-Keep-on-Rollin SH*T out of it! And then feed it cake. Eat the cake, Anna-Mae.
Sometimes I write raps. Sometimes I write blogs. Sometimes I write blogs about writing raps. Once, I even tried writing raps about writing blogs. But, to date, I have never sometimes written a blog about writing raps that I went away to rap and couldnt wait to return and write a blog about. Until now.
When I was a kid, I spent a lot of time in detention and being on punishment. Needless to say, the two kinda go hand in hand. Anyway, as with any disenfranchised member of society, my time spent in incarceration led me to discover a penchant for writing. I couldn’t remember how many stories I’ve written total, but some of the more famed titles include: The One Black Hunchback, My Name is Stupid, and Adams Apology to Jesus (a story told from Adams perspective, in letter form, explaining how Eve forced him to eat the apple, and as punishment, Jesus should make women bare children in the most painful way possible). However, no work more successful than a self-help book I wrote in the seventh grade called, The Things We Do: My Guide to Making Your Life Better. It was roughly 20 pages of hand written/hand drawn literary gold. I made copies and sold it for $1 to all my moms friends, all the faculty and staff at my school, my soccer coaches and anybody I thought had a dollar to spend. I was beyond certain that book would make it into book stores the world over. Well…it didn’t. But my freakin’ bummy anus rap album did! Neighborhood Kid, now available at Barnes & Nobles Bookstores!